The green thing

I didn't have a relationship with my Dad, he was always at work, if not his Main job then a part time Job, to me my Dad was the guy that dished out the slaps when I got caught, needles to say I learnt not to get caught, lol that doesn't mean I learn to obey rules But I think the same as you I know the mistakes my parents made and swore not to make the same.

I fought the 'System' for 7 years to prevent my 2 children from my first marriage going in to the care system. and when I finally thought I was winning I got kicked where it hurts as the ex-wife kept making accusations of abuse and interrogating the kids during contact, which was having a visible effect on them emotionally, and the systems point of view was that unless their was signs of physical abuse, they couldn't stop contact with the mother, unless the Mother and I could make things work the Kids would go into care permanently. and these two views were because of experts who wrote reports. and my argument that surely it's better for the children to be with the father and not see the mother, than be in care and not see ether parent wasn't even considered because no expert had wrote a report on it. so their was no evidence to support this fact. so my first two kids were taken into care and adopted by someone.

When I met my second wife she had been told that their was a 95% chance she would never conceive a child, and less she'd be able to carry it full term. so when she fell pregnant it came as a bit of a surprise, and when my son was born I promised him I wouldn't let history be repeated, and he'd never know how special he was, but that doesn't mean he will be spoilt, nor be disciplined, and one thing that my Dad did teach me is unless you earn it, you never truly value it.

and I think respect is one of the most valuable things in life, and the only way to get it is to earn it. and nothing would make me more happy than to have the respect of my son as he gets older.

 

Well said again Match and you sound like a very good father and I am sure you will gain respect from you son as he grows older. You are on the right track and we had a similar childhood. My father was hedonistic, into himself and I never saw him much as a child. He was first and his wife and kids were second. He was a hunter and fisherman and seemed to be more happy in the company of men, like his friends and brothers. Bascially he was an alcoholic and many times he would say that we would do this and that, I waited for him to come home and he would come home drunk and go to bed. So, like you, I never had a close relationship with my Dad and I didn't respect him because of his neglect to his wife and kids. I promised myself that I would never be like that to my wife and kids. I was always there for them because I knew, from first hand experience, what it was like to go through that sort of upbringing and it hurt. Gaining and maintaining respect from your kids is the best thing.

 

Well said, all of you. And surely being a parent is the most daunting challenge we ever face in life. Yup, we usually get to know our future spouses, knowing their personalities and likes and dislikes before marrying ... and then poof!, we get a darling little 'bundle of joy' - a total unknown that may or may not like us, share similar tastes, etc - always a hoot to raise but they come with a few future wrinkles and gray hair along the way, too!

 

p.s. Match, you truly have my sympathy as sadly often those 'experts' may be book smart but are far from life smart. The situation you had was horrible! Know a little 8 year old girl who's father made her sit and watch as he made his girlfriend stand against the wall and shoot (live ammo) an 'outline' all around the lady. When released by the police, the social services officer insisted he should continue on with his unsupervised visits. Yup, book smart but not always truly smart at all - sigh.

 

Yes, there is a HUGE difference between book and life smart. My step father had to quit school in the third grade to support his family after his father died. While not book smart he was one of the wisest and, in his own way, most intelligent people I have ever met.

 

Hi Match.
There will come a time when your children grow up from your first marriage no matter how brainwashed they have been will most likely make contact with you.
When they are old enough to make their own decisions and out of their Mothers clutches.
Mine did after years of no contact.
Pretty sad when innocent children are used as Pawns.

 

Yes DSTM but on the bright side they are not with their Mother, they have been adopted, and I get to write to them once a year, so they are away from the mothers influence. what truly shocked me about the whole situation was that until the court hearings I had no Idea she had two Daughters when she was 15 and they too ended up in care. just goes to show you should always carry out background checks on people you meet before you get involved in a relationship lol

 

I can't believe that they took your kids away from you. How do they expect you to have any sort of relationship with them if you are only allowed to write them once a year???? In Canada, nine times out of ten, the mother always seems to be awarded custody of the kids in the case of a separation or divorce. Whether she is good or bad and that is NOT fair to us fathers. I really feel for you Match and I hope for your sake and the sake of your kids this situation gets turned around.

 

Back to the original topic, I find it really ignorant of that person to say a certain generation caused damage to the environment and that our generation is making it better. It doesn't work like that, it was a gradual effect, and a lot of the things that the younget generation are doing now are mainly for show and don't involve any sacrifice. It's not particularly a criticism, it's how it is, each generation does things that the previous one doesn't agree with, technology etc moves on and people get lazier.

 

Personally I have a view that the biggest problem is the media influence on public opinion, v's actual research and knowledge and forming an opinion, the press talk about the 'throw away culture of the late 70's, 80's and 90's yet if you actually research and look into the matter, you find that culture came about because large corporate companies decided that it was more profitable to get people to throw away something that is broken and replace it with new, rather than have to manufacture spares for obsolete products, now they have moved on from that and encourage people to throw away perfectly good working item's because they are out of date or fashion. which then allows them to collect the old products for next to, or nothing, salvaging the raw materials to sell at a profit.

as they say money makes the world go round.

 

True. I'd be interested to read some of the information about the 'Green conspiracy', I don't know much about it. But yes, the big corporations are behind a lot of our lifestyle decisions, from recycling to vaccinations.