JOKE OF THE DAY

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.

'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening..

If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'

Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!

It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call,

'WOOOOOOOOO , WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO '

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................



NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

 

I went to a funeral last week. I said to the widow " John seemed so well,what did he die of"
She Relpied "Viagra"
I said " People dont die of Viagra"
"Well" she said " If they trip on the mat and Pole Vault out of the window they do"

 

Did I mention, I drive a Smart car.

 

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied... You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

 

A study of the frequency of sexual activity of senior males has shown to depend on where they were born.

Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, reveal that:
"North American, Australian, New Zealand and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year" - if they are lucky!

This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of us at the pub, as none of us had any idea that we were "Japanese".