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JOKE OF THE DAY

Discussion in 'Joke of the Day' started by DSTM (Dougie), Feb 15, 2014.

  1. DSTM (Dougie)

    DSTM (Dougie) Registered Members

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  2. DSTM (Dougie)

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  3. Rich M

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  4. DSTM (Dougie)

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  5. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  6. DSTM (Dougie)

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  7. Rich M

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  8. DSTM (Dougie)

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  9. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  10. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  11. DSTM (Dougie)

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  12. DSTM (Dougie)

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  13. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

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    A Hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"

    The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

    The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."

    The man replies, "Listen you idiot. The window won't open... and that's a maintenance matter."
     
  14. DSTM (Dougie)

    DSTM (Dougie) Registered Members

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  15. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    ---The next day, the kids came back ...and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

    There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

    "Janie, do you have a story to share?"

    "Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

    She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........

    She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

    ''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"

    ...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."
     
    Bill, Plastic Nev and DSTM (Dougie) like this.
  16. DSTM (Dougie)

    DSTM (Dougie) Registered Members

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    964a.jpg This Puppy is cute.
     
  17. DSTM (Dougie)

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  18. DSTM (Dougie)

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  19. DSTM (Dougie)

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    72 Virgins

    A Muslim suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold. When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

    Allah looked at him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So, you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail.

    The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”

    Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?":biggrin:
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  20. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

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