JOKE OF THE DAY

And my Favorite:

 

OR:

 

Ah one more too:





I think there is a theme here!

 

A DETECTIVE STORY - SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION:

Three elderly ladies are excited about their first Yankees Baseball game.
They smuggled a bottle of Jack Daniels into the game.
The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves drinking Jack Daniels mixed with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle of Jack >Daniels is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Using the clues given, what inning is the game in and what is the status o
of the game?


Think!






Think some more!






You're gonna love it ........






And the Answer is:

It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

 

The US Marine
The train was quite crowded and, a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular. 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

'Please Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window'.

 

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.


My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to vacuum the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.


Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.


I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

 

My grandaughter asked me this morning
"Where does poo come from?"
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes,"
"Well the food goes into our stomach where its broken down into proteins, sugars and fats, then it travels into your lower bowels via your liver which, as the largest organ inside the human body, detoxifies and cleans what is left. The waste is then passed into the lower bowel and bladder, the stuff that comes from the bladder is called urine, which we also call 'wee' and the waste from the bowel is called faeces which we also call 'poo', so in all fairness poo comes from your bottom"

She stared at me for a few seconds, then said "And what about Tigger?"

 

We told you that we do not want to buy any magazines.


I caught him - now what?