JOKE OF THE DAY

This joke is for those that haven't heard it previous.



Dave wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box for an interview.


The inspector asks "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"


Dave says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."


"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.


"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Dave, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."


"What if that had been struck by lightning?"


"Then," Dave continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."


"What if the phone was engaged?"


"Well in that case," persevered Dave, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."


"What if that was vandalised?"


"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get Nev."


This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"


"Because he's always wanted to see a train crash."

 

I IZ HUNGRY STOPZ FORMATZ NOW

 

This is not one of my better pics, but it will suffice I think you agree! At least my teeth are clean ya?

 

Time to think outside the box.

 

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old hazelnut tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.


Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done....

The old man had got half a mile away before the kid on the bike caught up with him.

 

Amidst all these wires I find my peace