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JOKE OF THE DAY

Discussion in 'Joke of the Day' started by DSTM (Dougie), Feb 15, 2014.

Page 17 of 34
  1. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

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    In front of a monitor in Blackburn Lanc's UK.
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    A collection of one liners.

    Know what kind of shoes frogs wear? Open toad!

    She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
    for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

    "I don't know what makes you stupid but it's working."

    I'm going to retire and live off my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.

    She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
    She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair!

    Coffee, chocolate, and men: some things are just better when they are rich.

    There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

    We all have problems, mine are just more important than yours.

    Goodbye tension, hello pension.
     
    Plastic Nev, Jun 18, 2014
    #321
    Pesi, bob12a and allheart55 (Cindy E) like this.
  3. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Operating System:
    Windows 10
    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

    "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!".

    Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 19, 2014
    #322
    bob12a, Pesi and Plastic Nev like this.
  4. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Operating System:
    Windows 10
    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    enhanced-10234-1403019641-12.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 20, 2014
    #323
    Plastic Nev and bob12a like this.
  5. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    Location:
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    Operating System:
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    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    Clippy is back.......

    enhanced-17887-1403019961-2.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 21, 2014
    #324
    bob12a, Pesi and Plastic Nev like this.
  6. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Operating System:
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    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    59477_553635671407402_9139064575280808647_n.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 22, 2014
    #325
    Plastic Nev, redwing and Rich M like this.
  7. redwing

    redwing Registered Members

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    10321656_770209499677718_5117693479748363162_o.jpg
     
    redwing, Jun 22, 2014
    #326
    Plastic Nev, bob12a and allheart55 (Cindy E) like this.
  8. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Operating System:
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    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    dog-yoga-1.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 23, 2014
    #327
    redwing, Pesi, bob12a and 1 other person like this.
  9. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    Location:
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    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    10405366_550695688368067_1054808336770506156_n.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 24, 2014
    #328
    redwing, Rich M and Plastic Nev like this.
  10. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    In front of a monitor in Blackburn Lanc's UK.
    Operating System:
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    f1994fb613b3e7fb287319b10dfd3014.jpg
    >
    >
    >
    55fc79c970d3fa1c8081513e41c69875.jpg
     
    Plastic Nev, Jun 24, 2014
    #329
    redwing, bob12a, Rich M and 1 other person like this.
  11. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    Location:
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    Operating System:
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    Computer Brand or Motherboard:
    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    12801_270495193072875_1168271183_n.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 25, 2014
    #330
    Pesi, bob12a, redwing and 1 other person like this.
  12. redwing

    redwing Registered Members

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    10300277_10152094212896059_5575522941618287564_n.jpg
     
    redwing, Jun 25, 2014
    #331
    Pesi, Rich M, Plastic Nev and 1 other person like this.
  13. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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    MSI Z97 PC Mate LGA 1150 Intel Z97
    CPU:
    Intel i7 4790K 4.0Ghz
    Memory:
    Corsair Vengeance 16GB (2x8GB) DDR3 2133
    Hard Drive:
    Crucial 256 Gb SSD+ WD Raptor 300 Gb Sata III
    Graphics Card:
    Radeon R9 280 2GB HDMI
    Power Supply:
    Seasonic 750 watt
    upload_2014-6-26_8-15-59.png
     
    Rich M, Jun 26, 2014
    #332
    Pesi, redwing, Plastic Nev and 1 other person like this.
  14. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    Location:
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    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
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    The worlds worst cakes?

    1513809_10202357392603903_8920525419481601253_n.jpg

    10441443_10202357392363897_7638449864003377851_n.jpg

    10431700_10202357392843909_1397112679510526212_n.jpg

    10462533_10202357392203893_2862420767106303373_n.jpg

    10464092_10202357393123916_6467124828878728229_n.jpg

    10511255_10202357392083890_934308047877483029_n.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 26, 2014
    #333
    Pesi, Plastic Nev and Rich M like this.
  15. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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    MSI Z97 PC Mate LGA 1150 Intel Z97
    CPU:
    Intel i7 4790K 4.0Ghz
    Memory:
    Corsair Vengeance 16GB (2x8GB) DDR3 2133
    Hard Drive:
    Crucial 256 Gb SSD+ WD Raptor 300 Gb Sata III
    Graphics Card:
    Radeon R9 280 2GB HDMI
    Power Supply:
    Seasonic 750 watt
    upload_2014-6-26_19-25-10.png
     
    Rich M, Jun 26, 2014
    #334
    redwing, Plastic Nev, bob12a and 1 other person like this.
  16. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    fec6e241deedd9d3ed9109f4accc4e01.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 28, 2014
    #335
    bob12a, Rich M and Plastic Nev like this.
  17. redwing

    redwing Registered Members

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    ok, sorry, I know we are not supposed to post comments here, so this can be removed - but I just cannot help myself. This picture could have been taken in my kitchen a few years ago!
     
    redwing, Jun 29, 2014
    #336
    allheart55 (Cindy E) likes this.
  18. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    Location:
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    Operating System:
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    ASUS M4A77TD AM3 AMD 770 ATX AMD
    CPU:
    AMD Phenom II X6 1090T-Thuban 3.2GHz
    Memory:
    Crucial-DDR3 SDRAM 1333-8GB
    Hard Drive:
    WD Caviar Black SE HDD 640 GB - WD Caviar Black SE HDD 500 GB
    Graphics Card:
    Sapphire Radeon HD-7870 2GB
    Power Supply:
    CORSAIR CMPSU-750W
    1907620_629942533758364_2044464778272538648_n.jpg
     
    allheart55 (Cindy E), Jun 30, 2014
    #337
    Pesi, Plastic Nev and Rich M like this.
  19. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    In front of a monitor in Blackburn Lanc's UK.
    Operating System:
    Windows 7
    An American tourist in London wakes up in a hospital bed and racked with pain. Next to him is a police constable, who asks if he can remember what happened and who was responsible for his current condition.
    The American told this story, "I decided I would try one of your famous English beers in a pub I found. I was quite enjoying it when I overheard three very large and well overweight women talking with an accent I thought might be Scottish, So asked "Are you ladies from Scotland?" One of them replied, "No, Wales you numpty"
    "I then replied, "Oh sorry, are you three whales from Scotland"
    That is the last thing I remember officer".
     
    Plastic Nev, Jun 30, 2014
    #338
    Pesi, bob12a, Rich M and 1 other person like this.
  20. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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    CPU:
    Intel i7 4790K 4.0Ghz
    Memory:
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    Hard Drive:
    Crucial 256 Gb SSD+ WD Raptor 300 Gb Sata III
    Graphics Card:
    Radeon R9 280 2GB HDMI
    Power Supply:
    Seasonic 750 watt
    upload_2014-6-30_22-43-26.png
     
    Rich M, Jun 30, 2014
    #339
    Plastic Nev and allheart55 (Cindy E) like this.
  21. Pesi

    Pesi Registered Members

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    0abfad88cf1105170bc1b8ab91dbb214.jpg
    Dry joke from ISIS, though their photoshop diplomacy competition with the West is quite amusing. :D
     
    Pesi, Jul 3, 2014
    #340
    allheart55 (Cindy E) likes this.
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