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JOKE OF THE DAY

Discussion in 'Joke of the Day' started by DSTM (Dougie), Feb 15, 2014.

  1. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

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    A Marine was deployed in Iraq.

    While he was there he received a Dear John letter from his girlfriend.

    In the letter she explained that she had been out with two guys while he
    had been gone and she wanted to break up with him and she wanted
    pictures of herself returned.

    So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would
    do. He went around to his buddies and collected all of the
    unwanted photos of women he could find.

    He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with and without clothing)
    to his former girlfriend with the following note:

    "I don't remember which one you are.
    Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
     
  2. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

    The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new
    husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought...

    He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
    She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
    explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a
    preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

    The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

    (Wait for it)




    She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
     
    Plastic Nev, redwing and bob12a like this.
  3. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  4. redwing

    redwing Registered Members

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  5. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  6. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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  7. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  8. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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  9. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  10. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  11. Plastic Nev

    Plastic Nev SUPER MODERATOR IN MEMORY

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    And GOD created Dog
    The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets..

    Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

    And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

    And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

    And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

    And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

    And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

    And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

    And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

    And they were comforted.

    And God was pleased.

    And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

    After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

    And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

    And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

    And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

    And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.

    And God was pleased..

    And Dog was happy.

    And Cat . . .didn't give a **** one way or the other.
     
    Pesi, bob12a, redwing and 1 other person like this.
  12. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  13. redwing

    redwing Registered Members

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  14. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  15. Rich M

    Rich M Guest

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  16. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  17. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  18. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  19. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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  20. allheart55 (Cindy E)

    allheart55 (Cindy E) Administrator Administrator

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