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New Stock Market Terms

Discussion in 'The Comedy Club' started by DSTM (Dougie), May 10, 2009.

  1. DSTM (Dougie)

    DSTM (Dougie) Registered Members

    Joined:
    May 3, 2009
    Messages:
    8,270
    Location:
    SYDNEY AUSTRALIA
    Operating System:
    Windows 7
    NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS:D

    CEO--Chief Embezzlement Officer.

    CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

    VALUE INVESTING-- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    BROKER
    -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT
    -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    MARKET CORRECTION-- The day after you buy stocks.
    CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO-- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS-- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
    -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

    PROFIT
    -- An archaic word no longer in use.
     
  2. BSchwarz

    BSchwarz Guest

    Love the first 2. Made me laugh.
     

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